For your entertainment, I interrupt the seriousness of the Story of my Faith to offer these hilarious tidbits of Fundie teachings. They're in no specific order. These are things I was actually taught during my school and church years.
(Obligatory disclaimer: Not all Fundamentalist Baptists or Fundamentalists-in-general believe or behave in this way. Some of these teachings were never specifically formulated this offensively, but these are the gist of what I was taught.)
At the first Fundie elementary school I attended (first grade through half of sixth grade):
We may not wear clothes that are black and red. Black and red are the devil's colors. We know this is true because if you walk into any bar anywhere in the world, it will be painted black and red. It is especially offensive to wear a black and red tie because then you are wearing the devil's colors on an article of clothing that is pointing down to Hell!
At the second Fundie school I attended (half of sixth grade through tenth grade) and the church I attended from third grade to a little after high school graduation:
God is into racial purity. God does not want the races mixing in marriage. We should win peoples of all colors to faith in Jesus Christ, but once we do, they should segregate into their own churches. (On a very happy note: the gentleman who pastors this church today preaches against this attitude as sinful!)
Atheists are morons. Agnostics are morons. Muslims are morons. Hindus are morons. Any individual who is not smart enough to recognize that he must accept Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior is stupid. We should hold such people in contempt.
The King James Version of the Bible is the only acceptable English translation of the Scriptures. The rest are corrupted perversions. If you were to buy a modern translation to use by yourself in your own personal study, you would be by yourself because God would not be there with you!
It is a sin for a Christian to have friends or hang out with people who are not Christians. It is too easy for these sinners to pull you into their sinful lifestyle, listening to worldly music, seeing worldly movies, using worldly language. In short, friendship with non-Christians is apostasy. So is friendship with "Christians" not of "like faith" (Lutherans are not Christians of like faith, neither are Catholics, Anglicans, Episcopalians, and the list goes on and on).
Jesus did not turn the water into wine at Cana. It was grape juice. Drinking is sinful. God would never create anything people would use for sinful purposes. (I must have missed that part in the Bible where God did not give us food [gluttony], sleep [laziness], hands [violence], etc. The illogic of many of these positions is so laughable, I'm surprised Fundamentalism has lasted as long as it has.)
I'll update as I think of more. Also, if you're from a Fundie background as well, feel free to contribute to the list.
(Obligatory disclaimer: Not all Fundamentalist Baptists or Fundamentalists-in-general believe or behave in this way. Some of these teachings were never specifically formulated this offensively, but these are the gist of what I was taught.)
At the first Fundie elementary school I attended (first grade through half of sixth grade):
We may not wear clothes that are black and red. Black and red are the devil's colors. We know this is true because if you walk into any bar anywhere in the world, it will be painted black and red. It is especially offensive to wear a black and red tie because then you are wearing the devil's colors on an article of clothing that is pointing down to Hell!
At the second Fundie school I attended (half of sixth grade through tenth grade) and the church I attended from third grade to a little after high school graduation:
God is into racial purity. God does not want the races mixing in marriage. We should win peoples of all colors to faith in Jesus Christ, but once we do, they should segregate into their own churches. (On a very happy note: the gentleman who pastors this church today preaches against this attitude as sinful!)
Atheists are morons. Agnostics are morons. Muslims are morons. Hindus are morons. Any individual who is not smart enough to recognize that he must accept Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior is stupid. We should hold such people in contempt.
The King James Version of the Bible is the only acceptable English translation of the Scriptures. The rest are corrupted perversions. If you were to buy a modern translation to use by yourself in your own personal study, you would be by yourself because God would not be there with you!
It is a sin for a Christian to have friends or hang out with people who are not Christians. It is too easy for these sinners to pull you into their sinful lifestyle, listening to worldly music, seeing worldly movies, using worldly language. In short, friendship with non-Christians is apostasy. So is friendship with "Christians" not of "like faith" (Lutherans are not Christians of like faith, neither are Catholics, Anglicans, Episcopalians, and the list goes on and on).
Jesus did not turn the water into wine at Cana. It was grape juice. Drinking is sinful. God would never create anything people would use for sinful purposes. (I must have missed that part in the Bible where God did not give us food [gluttony], sleep [laziness], hands [violence], etc. The illogic of many of these positions is so laughable, I'm surprised Fundamentalism has lasted as long as it has.)
I'll update as I think of more. Also, if you're from a Fundie background as well, feel free to contribute to the list.
2 comments:
Holy Cow! (am I a Hindu now?)
The Fundie in me says, "Don't be a moron!"
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