It can be quite a challenge! I find myself in a back and forth between despair and hope. That is sometimes I despair that I'll never learn how to be chaste, that my sexual desires will rule me my entire life, that I'll always put myself in temptation's way, that I'll always use the fact that our entire culture is over-sexualized as an excuse to not take responsibility for my behaviors. Other times I have an exceeding great hope in God's infinite mercy, in His trustworthiness to give me every grace I need to overcome my unchastity, in the helps He gives me through Courage and Courage Online and similar support groups, and in the great priests, family, and friends He's blessed my life with.
For much of this year I've been away from the sacraments and Mass (and have kept up the appearance of it, even to the point of lying to inquirers), but have returned to them in the last month. I can see how much ground I've lost in my battles by not making use of the sacraments: lust is a habit, masturbation is now a more severe compulsion, telling the truth about my attitudes and behaviors is a more difficult thing to do. I know I have grieved the Holy Spirit. My spirit is grieved, too.
I have been to Confession four times in the last month, and I'm grateful for it. I went today. It makes a difference. I'm looking forward to the aggregate of sacramental grace I will receive from it and from the Mass through my frequent reception of them both. Today I also received the added graces of the Anointing of the Sick because, in addition to the spiritual sickness and weakness I experience, I have some physical problems, too: dystonia of the wrist, restless leg syndrome, a prostrate infection, and HPV. Part of the rite consists of praying for those who are sick in nursing homes, hospitals, and other care centers, and also for their caregivers. One thing that made that part particularly meaningful for me is that, because of my work, I was able to picture specific patients and nurses to pray for.
May God, in His infinite mercy and kindness grant me healing, especially healing of the spirit, and grant it to all who are in need of it!
4 comments:
There are those who protest the comparison of SSA and Alcoholism or other addictions.
You have explained well here why SSA and alcoholism do indeed compare; the battle is the same.
God bless you.
And with any growth in holiness, without the Sacraments, we are all lost. WE need Christ to save us because we cannot save ourselves. Ever.
No matter what our primary sin.
Adoro, I hope you're well. It always amazes me that you read my blog!
We're all sinners here, Woodrow. Even married people, who ought to be able to enjoy sex properly sometimes commit grave sexual sins. We all struggle with this.
Keep going regularly to confession. I know that's what I need to do.
Anonymous this time.
I read a psychologist who compared all selfish behaviour as being like alcohol addiction and the beginning of the cure is the same:
1. Admit we have a problem
2. Admit we need God's help
Post a Comment