Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Lord of the Rings Parody

It's about 19 minutes long, but well worth the viewing.

It has some really great lines!

"Long ago in the Second Age of Middle-earth, which was twinkle-tee-twinkle-tee-two..."

"Oh Grandalf...I'm glad you're back...until you arrived life in Hobbiton had just been so naturalistic."

"Then let us look into thy paperweight, O mighty Saruman."

"Now look what you've done! You've upset the hobbits!"

"Grandalf! Something lurks on the shadows!"..."Ignore it. It's just Madonna. She's been following us for sometime."

"You will not paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!...Take the step-ladder away now, darling."

"Who are you, great sphincter of light?"..."I am Galadriel, the Lady Galadriel. So yuh ah Dodo." "Yes, I a' Dodo, neh you of...you say it." "Gilgo Gaggins."

"I am Galdriel, the Lady Galadriel, grandmother or Arwen and auntie of Jordan, dwarf-princess of the nymphomaniacs."

"Look here, Dodo, into the magic birdbath. And there you will see things that have been, things that will be in the future, things that are, things that were, things that could been were they ever were..."

"I have passed the test. And now I will diminish and go to the West and remain Galadriel."..."You will what? Sorry."..."I'll diminish...I don't understand it, it's in the book"..."Okay."

Saturday, October 27, 2007

One last post before I go...

I was listening to The Fast Food Song while looking at the links on the right side of the screen (beneath the Unreached People of the Day). Andrew Cusack is probably not aware that I've linked to him. That may be a good thing, I feel so low brow compared to him. He may not like being associated with my blog. I envy his intellect!

The Story of My Faith, Part One-One: Childhood Years Continued

This is a shorter post than I'd intended it to be because while I was working on it, my boss called and asked me to work from 6pm to midnight. I gotta get going, but I'm posting what I've writted so far before I do.

The Story of My Faith, Intro.

The Story of My Faith, Part One: Childhood Years

The Story of My Faith, Comical Interlude

As time went on and I absorbed more and more of some of the ridiculous teachings of my church and school, I became proud and arrogant and isolated. The isolation came in because, as the Comical Interlude relates, I was taught that to have friends who aren't Christians is sinful. My fellow private school classmates were from all around the area, and none of them lived in my home city. At home, there were only non-Christians to hang out with, but of course hanging out with them would be sinful. Most of my summer days were spent watching TV, and I became a huge Trekkie. I was always more interested in learning Truth than my classmates (and family), and so gained a better understanding of theology and doctrine than everyone else around me, with the exception of my pastors and teachers. I was also a very obedient child, more out of fear of punishment than a good heart, though. My oldest-younger sister (both my sisters are younger than me) was the really rebellious one of the family, and I became a holier-than-thou goody-two-shoes. My pastors and teachers, especially one particular teacher who I had for a few years in a row, fed these bad attitudes. My past attitudes fill me with shame.

Same song, two videos.

Warning! This song can get stuck in your head for WEEKS!!!!

Those crazy Brits!

Those crazy Trekkies!


I need one, other than reading. Or a new job, maybe. How about Stellar Engineer like Rassilon? Or I could join the nerf herders Luke Skywalker makes mention of. Or I could become a student at the Vulcan Science Academy. Working for Psi Corps may be fun, but I probably would have less of a social life than I do now! Doorkeeper at Cair Paravel sounds great! I know! Galactic hitchhiker!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Keystone Rent-A-Kops, Part Two

When last we left our fearless hero, he was proceeding down the hallway of [main hospital] wondering about the intelligence of [main hospital]'s security.

Enough of the third person:

I finished up my business with [upper level hospital] and proceeded to pick up some equipment from [main hospital], after which I proceeded to the CSPD department so I could get a signature (I don't know why my company wants me to get a signature from our customers when we're the one's picking up used equipment. I'm sure Management has its reasons). I told them of my encounter with security. One of them, we'll call her Tabitha, started laughing and said, "We really do have some dingbats on our security team!" [Main hospital] recently did some major renovating. Whole sections of the building changed. One night, while Tabitha is doiong her work, two security guards walk through the door of CSPD:

Guards 1 and 2: "Where's the elevator?"

Tabitha: "What elevator?"

Guards 1 and 2: "The elevator that's back in this hall somewhere."

Tabitha: "There isn't an elevator in this hall. There hasn't been one in this hall for eight months."

Guards 1 and 2: "We've got to find it. Someone's trapped in it!"

Tabitha: "They can't be. That elevator hasn't existed for eight months!"

Guards 1 and 2: "Okay." They leave.

Twenty minutes later, Guard 1 walks in with a third guy.

Guards 1 and 3: "Where's the elevator?"

Tabitha: "I told you, there's not an elevator."

Guards 1 and 3: "Somebody is trapped in it. We've got to find it."

Tabitha: "It was taken out eight months ago!!!"

Guards 1 and 3: "Well, someone's trapped in it right now."

Tabitha: "Are you sure you're looking for the right elevator?"

Guard 3: "Uh...I don't know." They leave.

About a half hour later in walk Guards 2 and 3.

Guards 2 and 3: "Someone's trapped in that elevator that's back here."

Tabitha: "Look. That elevator doesn't exist! It has not existed for eight months! I'm sitting where the elevator shaft used to be!"

Guards 2 and 3: "But somebody's trapped in it!"

Tabitha: "Nobody is trapped in it. They can't be trapped in it. It doesn't exist!"

Guard 3 to Guard 2: "We've got to find that elevator."

Tabitha: "Fellows. Wait right here for a minute."

She leaves the office, goes to the Engineering Office, and brings an engineer back with her.

Tabitha: "These gentlemen are looking for the elevator that's in this hall."

Engineer: "That elevator isn't here anymore. We got rid of it awhile ago."

Guards: "But someone's trapped in it."

Engineer: "Impossible!"

Guards are interrupted by a voice coming over their walkie-talkies (I'm paraphrasing this part): "We found the trapped person. The cafeteria elevator got stuck between floors. All clear."

Guards and Engineer leave. Tabitha remains at her desk hoping she never needs security to rescue her from malfunctioning elevators.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Comical Interlude

I posted this over at Adoro te Devote, and thought I'd post a modified form of it here, as well.

A story from my childhood. Do you remember the Looney-Toons in which Bugs Bunny or some other character is placed in a pot to cook? While the Bugs is standing there, the cannibal (or whoever) would chop up potatoes and carrots and throw them into the pot, too. Eventually Bugs realizes he's dinner and gets out of the pot (and usually run for his life). When my sister and I were very young, we thought these cooking cartoons were very funny. Now, my dad used to fall asleep in the bathtub quite often. On one particular day, he did so, and had forgotten to lock the door. My sister and I found him and, inspired by these 'toons, we filled the tub with little plastic animals (our version of the potatoes and carrots). He woke up when we started stirring the water with plastic bowling pins. He asked us, "What are you doing?" We replied, "We're cooking you, Daddy." He never forgot to lock the door again!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Keystone Rent-A-Kops, Part One

I work for a certain international medical supplies company that has a branch in southeast Michigan. Among other things, this company manufactures hospital beds that are designed to assist in the healing process of certain medical conditions. Part of my job consists of delivering these beds to hospitals and nursing homes, helping the nurses move the patients onto the beds, and getting the therapies going. I work a later shift (2pm to however-long-it-takes-to-get-the-job-done-but-you-can-bet-you're-definitely-not-getting-off-work-on-time!), so I often arrive at facilities after their docks have been locked for the night. No big deal: one merely calls security to come let one in.

A certain hospital in southeast Michigan rents one of its upper levels to a second hospital. As a result, there are two hospitals functioning in the same building. One gets to either hospital using the same doors and dock. This facility began locking its dock only earlier this year. The first two times it happened, no big deal: I merely called security, and they came and let me in. The third time I called security, there was a dispatcher I hadn't spoken with before. All was still well...until I started talking to this person. Remember as you read the following conversation that there is only one dock at this facility:

Me: "Hello. My name is Woodrow. I'm with [the company for which I work]. I have a delivery for [the upper level hospital], and the dock is locked. Can you please send someone to let me in?"

Security Dispatch (S.D.): "Which dock are you at?"

Me, incredulous that anyone would ask that question, but wondering if there's another dock I don't know about: "Uh..I don't know. The delivery dock in back."

S.D., with a tone in her voice implying that I'm a moron: "Are there any signs near you?"

Me, looking at the only sign I see, and gravely disappointed at its total lack of a dock name: "Well, there is, but I don't think it's going to help you figure out where I'm at. It says 'Hospital vehicles only beyond this point.'"

S.D., sounding very irritated and with a tone that I'm not just a moron, but a complete-and-total moron: "I'll send somebody around!"

Me: "Uh...okay." At this point I'm wondering to myself: "If she doesn't know where I'm at, how is 'Somebody' going to find me? And if my location is so difficult to figure out, why did the last two dispatchers have no problem understanding which dock I meant? Waddafuh?"

Now, the last two times a security guard came to let me in, he walked through the building and opened the door from the inside. This was what I was expecting to happen. However, five minutes later, a security vehicle pulls up. I wasn't sure if this was "Somebody", or if this guy was here for another reason.

Me: "Are you here to let me in?"

Guard: "Well, there seems to be some confusion as to whether or not you know where you're going."

Me, to myself: "What?! What did the dispatcher tell this guy?"
Me, to Guard: "I know where I'm going. Your dispatcher is confused."

And so I repeated to him: "My name is Woodrow. I'm with [the company for which I work]. I have a delivery for [the upper level hospital]."

Guard: "Well, what are you here for?"

By "here", I understood Guard to mean "the dock".

Me, to myself: "What is it with these people? Delivery guy with a delivery truck parked at the delivery dock, making a delivery: these concepts all go together."
Me, to Guard, pointing at my huge truck, unsure how to respond to his rather stupid question: "I didn't think my truck would fit under the awning at the main entrance, so I thought I'd better come around the back to the dock."

Guard let's me in. I proceed on my way reflecting on the stupidity of the security at this place, and wishing that when Guard said, "Well, what are you here for?", I had responded with: "Why is everyone around here so preoccupied with existentialism?" Oh well. Hopefully I'll get to use that line some other time.

To be continued...

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Just for fun

Since I'm a new blogger, I'm just catching up to the things that were all the rage around the blogosphere a few months or years ago. Here's one of the things I am now able to post:
My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
The Very Reverend Woodrow the Simple of Walk upon Water
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Friday, October 5, 2007

Saint Francis of Assisi

He's one of my heroes and one of my patron saints. I just found this quote by him: "Each one should confidently make known his need to the other, so that he might find what he needs and minister to him. And each one should love and care for his brother in all those things in which God will give him grace, as a mother loves and cares for her son."

Brothers and sisters who read this blog (I don't think there are very many of you), inspired by this statement I make known to you that I need your prayers to live chastely and to use my financial resources wisely with a glad and generous heart. If you'd like me to pray for specific things in your life, e-mail me (via my profile page). I'll be happy to return the favor of your prayers.

P.S. Don't forget to pray for the Unreached and the unborn!