Keystone Rent-A-Kops, Part One

I work for a certain international medical supplies company that has a branch in southeast Michigan. Among other things, this company manufactures hospital beds that are designed to assist in the healing process of certain medical conditions. Part of my job consists of delivering these beds to hospitals and nursing homes, helping the nurses move the patients onto the beds, and getting the therapies going. I work a later shift (2pm to however-long-it-takes-to-get-the-job-done-but-you-can-bet-you're-definitely-not-getting-off-work-on-time!), so I often arrive at facilities after their docks have been locked for the night. No big deal: one merely calls security to come let one in.

A certain hospital in southeast Michigan rents one of its upper levels to a second hospital. As a result, there are two hospitals functioning in the same building. One gets to either hospital using the same doors and dock. This facility began locking its dock only earlier this year. The first two times it happened, no big deal: I merely called security, and they came and let me in. The third time I called security, there was a dispatcher I hadn't spoken with before. All was still well...until I started talking to this person. Remember as you read the following conversation that there is only one dock at this facility:

Me: "Hello. My name is Woodrow. I'm with [the company for which I work]. I have a delivery for [the upper level hospital], and the dock is locked. Can you please send someone to let me in?"

Security Dispatch (S.D.): "Which dock are you at?"

Me, incredulous that anyone would ask that question, but wondering if there's another dock I don't know about: "Uh..I don't know. The delivery dock in back."

S.D., with a tone in her voice implying that I'm a moron: "Are there any signs near you?"

Me, looking at the only sign I see, and gravely disappointed at its total lack of a dock name: "Well, there is, but I don't think it's going to help you figure out where I'm at. It says 'Hospital vehicles only beyond this point.'"

S.D., sounding very irritated and with a tone that I'm not just a moron, but a complete-and-total moron: "I'll send somebody around!"

Me: "Uh...okay." At this point I'm wondering to myself: "If she doesn't know where I'm at, how is 'Somebody' going to find me? And if my location is so difficult to figure out, why did the last two dispatchers have no problem understanding which dock I meant? Waddafuh?"

Now, the last two times a security guard came to let me in, he walked through the building and opened the door from the inside. This was what I was expecting to happen. However, five minutes later, a security vehicle pulls up. I wasn't sure if this was "Somebody", or if this guy was here for another reason.

Me: "Are you here to let me in?"

Guard: "Well, there seems to be some confusion as to whether or not you know where you're going."

Me, to myself: "What?! What did the dispatcher tell this guy?"
Me, to Guard: "I know where I'm going. Your dispatcher is confused."

And so I repeated to him: "My name is Woodrow. I'm with [the company for which I work]. I have a delivery for [the upper level hospital]."

Guard: "Well, what are you here for?"

By "here", I understood Guard to mean "the dock".

Me, to myself: "What is it with these people? Delivery guy with a delivery truck parked at the delivery dock, making a delivery: these concepts all go together."
Me, to Guard, pointing at my huge truck, unsure how to respond to his rather stupid question: "I didn't think my truck would fit under the awning at the main entrance, so I thought I'd better come around the back to the dock."

Guard let's me in. I proceed on my way reflecting on the stupidity of the security at this place, and wishing that when Guard said, "Well, what are you here for?", I had responded with: "Why is everyone around here so preoccupied with existentialism?" Oh well. Hopefully I'll get to use that line some other time.

To be continued...