Letting people be.

Back in the day, I used to think if I was talking to people about God, I had to try really hard to get them to ask Jesus into their hearts as their personal Savior. I'm glad I've grown out of that! God knows where people are, and He works with them there.

And I used to think I had to have all the answers for anyone who asked a question about God, or the Bible, or why evil exists, etc. But I don't. And I don't have to. And I don't know nearly as much as I thought I did then, nor as much as I think I do now, anyway. And that's okay.

And I used to think that my faith should be invincible because true faith is invincible--nothing can cause it to waver or be destroyed. But that's not reality. It's what we pray and hope and reach for, but it's not where we're at. Not most of us.

And I used to believe that I had to be the perfect Christian, never letting other's know I was less than perfect, and certainly not letting them know I have faults of character and faults of virtue. I'm glad I've grown out of that, too! It's okay for people to know my faults and sins. Many, perhaps most, of them are obvious, anyway!

And sometimes I don't whether God exists at all, and sometimes I don't know why I believe in Him, and right now I can't answer those questions, although it may be it's that I just can't find Him, or maybe I don't want to find Him. It's not a comfortable place to be. And that's okay because uncomfortable places in our lives make us move out to places we're afraid to go. Or to places we never thought of going. And we ask questions we never asked before. And God, if He exists, won't leave us to ourselves, if we really don't want Him to. And He will find us, and He will answer us, even if we cannot articulate the answers or even the questions we were asking.

The Doubter's Prayer

By Anne Bronte (1820-1849)

Eternal Power, of earth and air!
Unseen, yet seen in all around,
Remote, but dwelling everywhere,
Though silent, heard in every sound;

If e'er thine ear in mercy bent,
When wretched mortals cried to Thee,
And if, indeed, Thy Son was sent,
To save lost sinners such as me:

Then hear me now, while kneeling here,
I lift to thee my heart and eye,
And all my soul ascends in prayer,
OH, GIVE ME--GIVE ME FAITH! I cry.

Without some glimmering in my heart,
I could not raise this fervent prayer;
But, oh! a stronger light impart,
And in Thy mercy fix it there.

While Faith is with me, I am blest;
It turns my darkest night to day;
But while I clasp it to my breast,
I often feel it slide away.

Then, cold and dark, my spirit sinks,
To see my light of life depart;
And every fiend of Hell, methinks,
Enjoys the anguish of my heart.

What shall I do, if all my love,
My hopes, my toil, are cast away,
And if there be no God above,
To hear and bless me when I pray?

If this be vain delusion all,
If death be an eternal sleep,
And none can hear my secret call,
Or see the silent tears I weep!

Oh, help me, God! For thou alone
Canst my distracted soul relieve;
Forsake it not: it is thine own,
Though weak, yet longing to believe.

Oh, drive these cruel doubts away;
And make me know, that Thou art God!
A faith, that shines by night and day,
Will lighten every earthly load.

If I believe that Jesus died,
And waking, rose to reign above;
Then surely Sorrow, Sin, and Pride,
Must yield to Peace, and Hope, and Love.

And all the blessed words He said
Will strength and holy joy impart:
A shield of safety o'er my head,
A spring of comfort in my heart.